The Secret Life of Toys

Ward Parties

Ok, so I'm such a snob. And a sinner. We had our ward Christmas party tonight, and it was.... Well, it was.... I don't know where to begin. You see, one of the ladies in the ward had written what I will very generously call a "script" for the Christmas program. But it was alternately haphazard (the script portion that simply said generally that the Primary would be doing a skit, had, next to the "children exit" line the reminder "No clomping!", as though any of the kids would ever see that reminder) and overly specific (such as having one speaker start at 6:53, and the next at 6:56). It also contained interjections which looked like regular parts, so you're reading along and then BAM! it's talking about what Nephi should do in a scene that's explained three pages ago. Very confusing.

Then there's notations telling every actor when to start thinking about getting ready, when to get ready, when to be back-stage but ready, when to be in the wings, and when to go on. Seems like a lot of that could be inferred by each actor (all of us adults, at least nominally) on his own. Then, there are the instructions at our walk through, where the director tells one participant that his speech is very important and he needs to emphasize his words, and he does it so slow it's like he's, well, a little slow, and she says "Exactly!" and I think "*shakes head in shame*".

So, it's not like I think I'm the world's greatest actor (that is James McAvoy), or that I'm too good to be in stuff like this. It's just, well, I don't have a lot of time to spare. And I've already ranted and raved about how I resent (even though I probably shouldn't) the Church exercising what Constitutional lawyers know as "field preemption" over my social agenda. But would it hurt to make stuff like that really good, and easy to follow, and as uncomplicated as possible? And I know my mom would say "well, it's just a ward party, what's the big deal, what are you so upset about?" but that attitude is part of the problem. We expect church stuff to be lame. In fact, we're surprised when it isn't.

Up til now, the only person I've told my snobbish thoughts to are my wife (other than texts to my boss and brother that I honestly and without hyperbole wished I had a broken leg). Does that make me a nice person, that I keep my snobbery bottled up? Or does it make me a hypocrite? Stay tuned for the answer...

The Theory of Blogging

Ok, so I have something I desperately want to blog about, but I am afraid that the people involved in the story, even if I give them pseudonyms, will recognize themselves, if they happen to wander across my blog in the future. The thing is, none of them are current readers, as far as I know. I mean, as far as I know, this blog has, like, 2 readers. Me and Apryl. Well, I think Mindy reads sometimes too. And ShaLyse left a comment a few days ago. And Lizanell does sometime, and I think Nicole...

Anyway, my story is about people who are not current readers, nor likely to be future readers. What should I do? Stay with the boring and innocuous? Or complain?

Cracker Barrel-Mobile Blogging

I swear, the kids like the chairs more than the food.

Mobile Blogging

Why doesn't the email function work for Blogger? Don't you folks want to see this cute picture of our trip?

Thanksgiving

First off, let me say, I kind of think that Thanksgiving is a weird holiday. It's on a Thursday, and always on a Thursday, Friday is a phantom holiday, where some things are open, some things aren't, etc. Plus, there seems to be no universal tradition associated with it other than eating. Which, you know, is something most people do every day anyway. Oh, turkey, stuffing, the works? Yeah, that's called "Sunday dinner" once a month or so. I don't know. I find Christmas much more satisfying. Nevertheless, I now offer a veritable cornucopia of photos from the day:

Whipped cream, with a side of pumpkin pie. Mmmmmmmmmm.

Brooke's boy Maddox. That's not Brooke with him, it's Shelby. He's sure a cutie.


Apryl hanging out with Gwen. I don't know if we told most people, but Gwen is just a shortened nickname. Her full name is Gwenedict Arnold Mason.


Gwen happy in the swing. I don't know what it is with swings and babies (it'd make me damn sick to be swung), but I'm glad they like it.


This is the part where Conor explains that you have to put all your food into a big pile and mash it all together until it's unrecognizable and then put gravy on it. Jack is confused.

Halle surveys the scene.

Trevor and Aerin are excited to eat.


The kids go outside afterwards to burn some calories.

I started using the rapid fire mode of taking pics and caught some mid-air action. I wish you could see the last two, one right after the other. It's really cool, stop-motion photography.
This was just really funny to me. Aerin trying casually to use her spoon to get some turkey.

New background for the holidays

I probably should have waited until after Thanksgiving. But I didn't. Happy Non-denominational Mid-Winter Holidays!

Kids and Random Musings

Jack wants to suck your...orange gatorade. Admit it, he looks crazy.

The oldest is almost old enough to help out with the youngest. Reliably help. Almost.


A quick nap before dinner.

What is it with people expecting favors? I mean, asking for favors, sure, but trying to emotionally strong arm you into favors? Where an objective observer would surely comment upon the chutzpah of the other person in even asking for the favor in the first place? These emotional bullies, these social terrorists, they can kiss my grits. Seriously, folks, nothing will make me madder faster than trying to take advantage of my good nature, and use my courtesy against me, as a crowbar, to force me to do your bidding. It's fairly easy to spot, and it's very unbecoming. Knock it off.

Trunk or Treat

I love Trunk or Treat. It's like speed dating. You can get a full haul of candy in like 5 minutes.

Recycling old costumes can still be cute.

Or, you can buy new ones from the store.

Halle's costume smelled like fish. Which is weird because the last costume we got from Disney smelled like fish. I think it's the plastic they use, but it didn't smell like fishy plastic, it smelled like fish. We febreezed it good and hard.

How bles-sed the day when the cow and the ti-i-ger shall li-ie down to-ge-e-ther with o-out an-ny ire...

Halle looks insane. Insane Snow White Posse.



This is Gwen's $30 onesie that, because she is so fat so soon, she will probably wear only once.


Halle's new boots.

Mobile blogging 2

We are just passing Blackfoot, viewing the damned SNOW everywhere, and I have the kind of heartburn that makes you wish you were dead. I had been taking Prilosec, because it works great, but I didn't want to be taking it for the rest of my life. Guess I'll just freaking have to.

So, is Idaho done with good weather? Do I now have to spend the next 6 months wishing I lived in Arizona?

Mobile blogging

Sitting in church, posting to the blog. Awesome.

Dateline: My Creaky Chair

I have my old law school chair in my home office/bedside computer area. It's old. It creaks like Dick Clark's knees. It even broke the other day when I leaned back in it and I thought I would plummet to my death 2 and a half feet down. The creaking is only a problem because Gwen has been going to sleep lately by laying on our bed next to me whilst I work-from-home (all hail technology!). But it may be time to purchase a new one. The cool thing is, it may be an allowable business deduction. How much of a nerd am I that I honestly get excited at the thought of a deduction?

Gwen is chubby. Apryl says all the kids were this chubby at this time of life, but she seems chubbier than normal. See? I mean, she's cute, don't get me wrong, but, well, you know. She's got an awesome shade of blue eyes, I hope they stay the same.

I love that the kids are close enough to play together.

Gwen's Blessing

Here are some choice pictures of the special day.

Jack kept saying "it's an X-wing", like anybody needed to be reminded.

I know, she got pudgy pretty quick. Frankly, the sooner the better, cause the sooner her stomach can hold 8 oz, the sooner she will sleep through the night. And I will quit nodding off in traffic.

I love this woman

Gwen, moving around

Tagged by Minz

Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you: Mindy Gale
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
6. Let your tagger know when your entry is up.

(1) I love pickles but I hate cucumbers. My wife loves cucumbers but hates pickles.

(2) I am a golf fanatic, but the thing about golf that I love the most is golf architecture. In fact, if I were going into college right now, I'd get a degree in landscape architecture. If I happen to hit the Lotto despite not playing the Lotto (where my odds are only slightly worse than those who DO play), I will quit being a lawyer and will go back to school in landscape architecture, get a degree, then pester a golf course design company until I get a job.

(3) I have a serious, I'm-not-joking-even-though-people-always-assume-I'm joking problem with watching movies. Even hour-long Psych or Burn Notice is tough for me (Burn Notice less so this season because it kicks such royal can). I don't know what it is, but having to sit still and watch a two, maybe two-and-a-half hour flick is nearly unbearable for me. For instance. I bought The Prestige by accident last year when it came out (long story). Still haven't watched it. Luckily, no problems with reading a good thick book.

(4) I am a language snob. I look down on people who've never heard the term "bona fide", who think it is "for all intensive purposes" and who cannot tell the difference between plurals and possessives. I try not to be a jerk to their faces (and succeed most of the time), but it just gets my nerves a-janglin'. Why am I such a jerk?

(5) I am a jerk.

(6) One of the things I love best about my kids is catching that glimpse of what they'll look like in 20 years. It's a fleeting thing, a millisecond or less, but you see the adult, and it sets you back. Of course, when it's my girls, and I think about them being good-looking 17-year-olds, I have a mini-coronary, but then I push the worry down into that little room behind my spleen, where it can all come rushing out at once to overwhelm us in December 2018. When I'll be 40.

Six Five people tagged randomly: Charisa, Jenny, Trevor, Amy, Chelsea.

More Gwen

Gwen

7 lbs 12 oz. Unfortunately, her birthday is 08.07.08, not 08.08.08. The doctor only did inducements on Tuesday and Thursday (so you can go home on Saturday).

Star Wars Golf

Spike Star Wars Spots | Movies & TV | SPIKE.com

This picture is for Chelsea Ashton

She should come over the next time she's in town

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What's on your iPod/Zune/non-denominational mp3 player??

Ok, you're supposed to put it on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, to give the flava of your musical taste:

1. Save the Last Dance for Me  Michael Bublé

2. That's How Love Moves Faith Hill

3. Mass Company of Jekyll and Hyde

4. Forth Eorlingas The Two Towers

5. Possibilities Weezer

6. New Strings Miranda Lambert

7. County Galway- 1892 Far and Away

8. Turn Around They Might Be Giants

9. I'm Still on Your Side BB Mak

10. Stay Awake  Dishwalla

Well, of these, how many would I skip if I were on a long trip and wanted to listen to the whole thing? Probably #2 and 3. My shuffle feature has a weird sense of humor. For example, it LOVES the Corrs. It'll play one of theirs, 2 other songs, come back to the Corrs, go to Diana Krall for a song, back to the Corrs, etc. 

So, what does that say about me? Anything?

Family Reunion

Well, we just got back from the Nolan Cherry family reunion,where we meet up with Apryl's brothers and sisters and families to tell stories about Nolan and his practical jokes, play games, eat too much and watch Gage throw up (actually that's not WHY we meet up, it just happened). So, here's Jack and Kelsey telling each other over and over "You're silly."
"No, YOU'RE silly".
"No, YOU'RE silly".
Then, here's Jack rappelling for the first time in his life, as calm as the sea after a storm:
Then, Kylie and Aerin and Jack joined the Ogden Fire Department:
This is where David Gale lives, under a dinosaur's left foot:
Then Aerin went to Japan: And she did not need any prodding to do this, either: Then, Halle was elected President:
Then we had pictures: